What Flavor?
by EE's Skysong
Summary: Evan bumps into Pyro at a convience store and gets advice on buying something rather... personal. Yeah, that's just what I need to give Cally to prove my love and maturity. Limeflavored condoms. Done for a challenge on the Nutboard.


Disclaimer: "This must be a Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

(An: This was a ficlet I did for a challenge on the Nutboard. Basically, somebody would give me two people, a place, and a conversation topic, and then I'd write the fic. This was Desolate joker's... and I think it's quite funny. Very random, at the least.)

Evan stared at the condoms row. His head was beginning to spin. _Dammit, this was supposed to be the easy part! Walk in, grab the condoms without attracting too much attention, walk out... and _then _have problems._

But there was just so much to choose from... _Ribbed, non-ribbed, lubricated, king-size? What the hell? I bet they come in different flavors, too. Yeah, that's just what I need to give Cally to prove my love and maturity. Lime-flavored condoms. I should just turn around, walk out now, and get someone who knows what she's doing to get these..._

"'Scuse me, mate," said a voice from behind him.

Evan jumped and dropped the box he was currently inspecting. Evan whirled, expecting to find a rude mutant-hater demanding why he was here, and searching for condoms of all things. Instead, he found a red-haired guy, a few years older than him, with a cheerful grin and a broom.

"Only, you see, you've been standin' here for half an hour and you looked a little confused," said the guy. "And the other people back at the counter," here he raised his voice, "are too bloody scared to confront the spiky guy. I'm not normal meself, so it don't matter."

If Evan had still been holding the box, he would've dropped it. Yep, again. "You're one of those Acolyte guys!"

"Wow, you're pretty perceptive for a squirt," the guy (who Evan supposed must be Pyro) agreed. "Yeah, I'm the only Acolyte who can get a job, since Remy's got the demon-eye thing going- God forbid he share any of his stolen crap with us-, Piotr can barely speak English, Viccy would kill the customers, and Jason's a monkey."

Evan resisted the urge to snort. This guy was an enemy! He wasn't supposed to laugh at his jokes!

"And anyway, ain't you a little young to worry about condoms? Although, did the same thing meself when I turned sixteen..." Pyro beamed at him. "What's yer name, anyway?"

"I'm Evan. Why do you care anyway?"

"Well, you're one of them Morlock blokes, aren't you? And you're about sixteen, and you're buying condoms. Wouldn't that seem a bit odd to anyone?"

Evan blinked. Hadn't he just been thinking how bizarre this was himself?

"My point exactly. I take it you don't care much for sunlight?"

Evan returned his attention to the condom rack, determined to end this before the store closed. "People are less willing to take the effort to poke you with proverbial sticks when it's almost midnight."

"And the Morlock scores a point!" Pyro agreed, nodding. "Ah, flatscans- the bane of our existence, eh? Can't leave well enough alone, can't be obliterated."

Evan snorted in spite of himself.

"Jeez," said Pyro, eyeing the condom rack himself now. "This bit's bulked up, hasn't it? No wonder you've been here so long."

"I've been wondering if they stock lime-flavored ones, myself," said Evan.

"No, I don't think you Americans have degraded that far yet," Pyro demurred. "You blokes are nutty, but flavored condoms? That's a sure sign of the apocalypse."

"Yeah, but we already dealt with that."

"With a lowercase 'a', mate."

"Close enough."

Pyro rolled his eyes. "Oh, by the way, the store closes in five. You might want to speed up your decision making a tad."

"Any suggestions, since you seem to be so smart?"

"Don't ask me. I haven't got laid **once** since comin' to this bloody country. Nope, all by me lonesome, every night."

"For some reason, that doesn't surprise me," Evan responded. He closed his eyes and grabbed a random box. _'Her Pleasure'? That's just plain_ weird. _As long as it doesn't make her hit me..._

"Very funny, mate," Pyro responded, glaring at him.

Evan ignored him and headed up to the register. The cashier **did** look a little freaked out. _Convenient. Really._

"Hey! I'll tell you if we get a shipment of lime-flavored ones, mate!" Pyro yelled after him.

"You do that!" Evan responded as he walked out. _Do._


End file.
